Harry gets some common sense
by Amelia Claw
Summary: At times, Harry (and some others) really needs this thing called common sense. Aka, Harry does his best to make sure he won't die! Chapters are a series of one-shots. One shots can be adopted by others if asked (and given) permission.
1. Things go boom, and Harry has a gun

**Disclaimer: I am not fortunate enough to own Harry Potter. JK Rowling is.**

Harry squirmed around in the tiny sidecar of the flying motorcycle. His hand brushed against the cold metal stuck in the waistband of his pants. He had bought the gun in a rather shady part of London, and considering how little it had cost, Harry suspected the sketchy man he had bought it from had stolen it. Harry really didn't care though-one man's misfortune is another man's gain, after all. And considering what he was going to use it for, and all the lives it would potentially save, Harry thought the cost of one stolen gun was definitely worth it. It was funny, Harry thought, that before his mentor died, he would of never considered it. Dumbledore's death had proved one thing to him though- even the best of men eventually, and if you didn't want to join them, you had to fight dirty. And killing Tom with a muggle gun, instead of the wand that the evil man would expect was definitely dirty. Harry was just glad the Mudungus was horrible guard, and Harry could slip out to London that day.

Harry groaned as the Death Eaters showed up. He couldn't use the gun until Volde showed up, as the minions would warn their master of all villainous ways. He sighed, and pulled out the wand, and flicked it, setting the tails of their brooms on fire. "Harry!" Hagrid gasped.

"Would you prefer to be dead?" Harry asked grumpily. He hated killing. He might need to do it, but he still didn't like it.

"You can't just kill them!" Hagrid protested.

"How did you expect me to detain them? First, we're in the air. Not possible. Second, the Ministry's fallen. Where do you expect me to put them. Third, they are murderers, Hagrid. They like killing and torturing people. Why would would I want to save them?"

Hagrid sighed, and looked like he was going to say something, but they saw a white shape flying towards them."It's You-Know-Who!" Hagrid gasped. Harry wished he had a wall he could hit his head on as he pulled the gun and aimed. Once he had a clear shot, he pulled the trigger. The metal bullet lodged itself into the Dark Lord's bright white target of head. Blood gushed, and the man fell. Harry smirked- killing him with a muggle weapon would kill the horcruxes, too. Harry had found it in a book in Sirius' house when he had gone to London. The book's author had known it was possible, but had died while trying to kill his own Dark lord, and he had tried to kill the Dark lord with a sword, as guns hadn't been invented yet. Needless to say, he had died gruesomely, leaving his son to publish the book. Then Harry screamed as his scar burned, and a black, sticky liquid oozed out. "Ew" Harry muttered. "He was in my head- no wonder the scar never faded over.

"Harry, you killed him!" Hagrid grinned as he watched the now mortal man fall. Even if the bullet in his head didn't kill him, the ground definitely would!

"Yeah, but now all of his minions are going to want to revenge. And they know where he was." Harry pointed out, which got Hagrid driving again.

Unfortunately, the Death Eaters caught up to them, and Harry light more brooms on fire. He hated to do it, as evil minions can apparently could get their hands on some very good brooms, but if he burned them, muggles would only find the bodies, and not the brooms. They would see the intricate masks, and assume they were a part of a cult, which was murdered all over the country, and not re-start the witch hunts. If there was anything that Harry had learned from Binns was that witch hunts were very dangerous.

Harry fought at least 30 Death Eaters before they made it to the safe house. Fortunately, since he lit them on fire the second he could, neither he or Hagrid were seriously injured, with only a few scratches apiece. Harry had a feeling that it would of been a lot worse it it hadn't of been for the little gun. Harry knew he still had to fight with the rest of the Death Eaters, and make sure the ministry was not corrupt, but he might actually make it to his final year of wizarding school! After that, he thought he would travel the world, and find a place they didn't consider him a legend, the second coming of Merlin. He definitely would never want to be an auror ever again- he had enough of fighting bad guys on the public's whim.

After fighting the rest of the Death Eaters, Harry lived the rest of his life in (relative) peace.

 _ **Hey everyone! I found this in my flash drive, so I decided to post it. For now, it's going to be a one-shot, but if you give me more places where Harry needs common sense (because I am, above all else, lazy :) ), I'll add it to my file of things to do (aka, it might be done, eventually) Thanks for reading, please review!**_


	2. Lockhart hits the wrong person

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

All Harry knew was that Lockhart was rather incompetent. So when he brandished his wand, proclaiming that HE would fix Harry's arm, Harry rolled out the the way of the spell before it could hit him. Instead it hit Draco Malfoy's leg, as he had been standing behind Harry and jeering at the injured Gryffindor. Malfoy fell to the ground screaming in terror as his leg turned to a jello like flopping thing. Harry quickly stood up, better to dodge the next spell.

Fortunately, it wouldn't come. An angry Madame Promprey charged out of the stands, shrieking at Lockhart.

And for the first time, Harry was glad that Malfoy's 'father would hear of this.', as it might just rid them of the blundering blonde wizard.

Two weeks later, Lockhart had been fired, and an Auror that was on injured leave was their teacher. Injured Aurors would keep rotating until Dumbledore had found a better, more qualified professor. Another good thing was that the Aurors had found both a huge Basilisk and a evil enchanted diary and had killed them both. Harry was just happy he didn't have to deal with them.

 _ **Hey everyone! If this is bad- I wrote it at about 1 in the morning, and fell asleep writing it.**_

 _ **Please give me more ideas!**_


	3. Snape learns a valuable lesson

**Disclaimer: Despite repeated requests, J. K. Rowling has still refused to give me the rights to Harry Potter. Shocking, I know**

Chapter 3

Harry was done. This was the third time this month that Snape had docked 15 points from Gryffindor for something like 'breathing to loud'. He glared at the man, dumped the vial of his finished potion on the 'Professors' desk, and flung his stuff into his bag, then marched out the door, even though there was still 15 minutes left in class. He knew that Professor McGonagall had a free period, and wanted to know what the Deputy head, and head of Gryffindor thought of Snape's bias.

"He does What!" The angry professor yelled.

"I'm assuming you don't have any way to keep track of points awarded and lost, Professor?" Harry asked innocently. He had perfected the innocent look after years in the Dursley household.

"Yes, but no one ever reads it." She told him as she reached into her desk and pulled out a dusty book. She opened it and read for a couple of minutes. "Thank you, Mr. Potter for informing me of this. I assure you it will be taken care of." she said, glaring at the book. Harry took that as his dismissal, and walked out.

By the time two weeks had passed, Snape had been fired, and they had a new potions professor, who actually knew how to teach. She didn't dock points for unfair reasons, she told them when they were doing something wrong, and she told them why ingredients reacted the way that they did. But, best of all, she didn't let the Slytherins throw things into other people cauldron! Goyle was promptly yelled at, and given 2 detentions scrubbing cauldrons the only time he tried. Nobody else had tried. Harry's grade in potions was actually good, for once! All and all, Harry decided that if a teacher did something that he didn't like, he would report them.

 ** _Hey everyone! I think I've made a new record: 4 chapters in 2 days! I'm shocked that I managed to do it! I hope you liked it, and please review!_**

 _Note-Hint* Harry wouldn't like the idea of Moody (Cough* Crouch Cough*) preforming the Imperius curse of innocents*Hint_


	4. Harry is curious

**Disclaimer- I, unfortunately, do not own Harry Potter.**

Chapter 4

"An ordinary common or garden rat like this can't be expected to live longer then three years or so. Now, if you want-" The witch that was working the desk at Magical Menagerie said.

"Is it possible for them to be eight or older?" Harry interrupted, guessing the age.

"Oh, no, certainly not!"

"Is there any spell you can do, to see why this one has lived so long?"

"I'd have to get my manager over here, but yes. Don't worry, he'll be curious, too." she told them, as Scabbers frantically tried to escape. She just grabbed a cage and put him in it, and locked the door. Frantic squeaking could be heard form inside it. "Sorry, but I was afraid he was going to escape."

"It's ok." Ron said as a man walked out from the back of the store.

"Susan, what do you need?"

"These two have a really old rat, and were wondering how it is possible for the rat to be this old." Susan explained.

"How old is he?" the manager asked Ron.

"I don't know. He belonged to my older brother before I got him. At least 9, maybe as old as 12." Ron told them.

Susan and her manager looked at each other hesitantly. "Ok, kid. If the rat glows blue, it's fine, just an uncommonly well taken care of rat, whose special abilities help it age. But if it glows red, I want you to get back as far as you can." the manager told them.

"Ok. Thank you, sir." Harry said, with Hermione walking up behind them curiously. Harry quickly filled her in. She instantly started speculating on what the red glow could mean, but Harry, seeing Ron's whitening face, shoved his elbow into her ribs to make her be quiet. Once she saw Ron's face, she instantly went silent, although she was rubbing her ribs.

The manager pulled out his wand, and when Scabbers saw it, he started frantically trying to get away. It didn't work to well, as he was still trapped in the cage. The manager pointed his wand at the rat, and mummered a spell. Scabbers instantly glowed red. Harry and Ron plowed backwards, pushing Hermione, who was still standing behind them. They didn't stop until Hermione's back hit a row of cages. They could still see what was happening, though, so they could see the manager quickly casting a charm on the cage. They could also see Susan running for the fireplace and throwing a handful of floo powder in it, then sticking her head in. 20 seconds later, she pulled her head out, and stepped back. The fire flared a brighter green, and a group of men and one woman in bright red uniforms stepped out. The men all stepped out of the woman's way, and she recast the spell that the manager had used. She nodded to one of the men after once again getting the red glow, and he picked up the case, and walked towards the floo with it, then one of the others flung a handful of powder in for him, as his arms were full. He stepped into the green flames and yelled "Auror command", and disappeared. One of the men followed him, while the rest stayed. The woman quietly talked to the manager for a moment, then she walked over to Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"Hello. My name is Amelia Bones, and I am the head of the DMLE" the stern looking woman said.

"What is happening?" Ron asked, eyes wide.

Amelia looked awkward, like she didn't know how to explain it without sending Ron (and Harry and Hermione, for that matter) into hysterics. "It's possible that the results were fake, but we are investigating it right now."

"And?" Ron asked impatiently.

"It's possible that your rat is an Animagus." Amelia Bones admitted.

"What's that?" Ron asked.

Hermione had gone very white. "A human that can transform into an animal- in this case a rat. Professor McGonagall is one, too." she said quickly

"Exactly." Amelia Bones said.

Ron looked faint "what? That can't be possible." He stuttered.

"Unfortunately, it is." Bones said.

"What's going to happen now?" Harry asked.

"Well, if we were wrong, and it is really a rat, we will give him back. If it isn't, we interrogate him, then put him in prison. What he did is illegal, no matter how you look at it." she told them. "Now, do you know where your parents are? I need to explain this to them."

In the next few weeks, the papers where filled with all sorts of interesting things. Making no mention of how they found him, they reported Peter Petigrew alive, and that he was the one that did everything that Sirius Black was supposed to have done, including killing 12 muggles, and selling Harry's parents to Voldemort. Harry felt sick, knowing he had held, and feed he reason his parents were dead. Ron and Percy were worse, though. When their dorm mates had asked where Scabbers had gone, Ron had told them that he had died, which was technically true, as Pettigrew was sentenced to the Dementor's kiss. Harry was glad that the Dementors were gone from Hogwarts, they had left when it was discovered that Sirius Black was innocent. Black had turned himself into the Ministry when he had learned that Pettigrew had captured, and had brought a chilling tale of being through into the world's worst prison on hearsay. Bartimus Crouch, the man who had thrown Sirius into prison, was quickly fired, and placed under investigation, which allowed the Aurors to find the man's murderous, lunatic son, who had supposedly died in Askaban, inside his house. Harry discovered, a month later, that Sirius Black was his godfather. He promptly arranged a meeting with the man during a Hogsmede visit (the man had sent a signed permission form to Dumbledore), and found that he liked the man more then he would ever like the Dursleys. Sirius had started arranging for him to get guardianship of Harry, and a place for them to live that wasn't his creepy mansion. All in all, Harry was happy. And so was Ron- the Ministry had given him a free owl. A year later, during their summer vacation, Hermione bought the cat she had been looking at while Ron and Harry were talking to the cashier. She promptly named him Crookshanks.

 _ **Hey everyone! I hope you liked this! Please review!**_


	5. Harry works with Malfoy

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Harry Potter. I have a copy of his wand though!**

Chapter 5

Harry stared at the note that McGonagall had delivered to him, Hermione and Neville during breakfast. He would be willing to bet that Malfoy had gotten the same note.

 ** _Your detention will take place at eleven o'clock tonight._**

 ** _Meet Mr. Filch in the entrance hall._**

 ** _Professor McGonagall_**

"So because we were out after curfew, for the first time, we have to go out into the forbidden forest, at midnight? What idiot thought of this?" Harry asked.

"What is the point of yelling at us for being out after curfew if they are going to send us out after curfew?" Neville asked.

"I have no idea." Hermione admitted.

"Is it just me, or do wizards have no logic?" Harry asked.

"What's logic?" Neville asked, showing very clearly to the two muggle raised that he was a pureblood with no muggle interaction.

"Point proved." Harry grinned, and the bell rang, causing them to run to class.

Their next class was history, but fortunately Binns' voice put everyone to sleep almost instantly, so there wasn't the fighting that happened in every other class that had the Gryffindors with the Slytherins. Harry planned to take advantage of the fact that everyone in Binns class fell asleep within five minutes- except Hermione, of course.

"Hello, Malfoy." Harry whispers once everyone else is asleep.

"What do you want, Potter." Malfoy whispers back, and Hermione gives them an incredulous glance- probably amazed that they had exchanged 6 words, and they weren't fighting yet.

"I was wondering if you had gotten the same detention that we had." Harry told him.

"Detention in the forest, at midnight?" Malfoy questions, and Harry nods "Why?

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that breaking two rules at once? Being I the forest, and being out after curfew?"

"True." Malfoy admits "But, again, Why?"

"Forgive me if I don't want to get eaten." Harry snaps, but quietly. "Have you tried complaining? To Snape, or your father?"

"No. The Headmaster set it up- we'd so be expelled."

"I kinda prefer expelled to dead." Harry pointed out.

"I'd hate to be expelled, but Harry is right. It is better then being dead." Hermione added. Harry had to work to keep his jaw from dropping. Fortunately, he managed to. He didn't want to know the consequences if he didn't.

"I send a letter to my father the second we get out of class, then go complain to Snape during my free period. I know he has it free, too." Malfoy told them.

"Thanks, Malfoy." Harry said.

"I don't want to die either, Potter."

Three hours later, harry and all of the other students in Harry's charms class were treated to the spectacle of watching Lucius Malfoy and his wife storming up the drive of Hogwarts, looking furious. Following behind them was a group of individuals that Susan Bones informed the class was the Board of Education. They also looked murderous. Looks like Malfoy's letter got to his father Harry thought, amused.

The next week was filled with changes for Hogwarts. Dumbledore was fired, for sending four first years into something the seventh years would be hard pressed to fight (Somehow, the Hogwarts gossip network never learned who the other three were. They know Malfoy was one, as his mother had come with the board, but there were no other families with the board). Also, the board had found a demented obstacle course on the 3rd floor(the rumor network still didn't know what it was hiding) But the worst thing that they had found was several things that belonged to Harry, and a few things that belonged to other orphans whose parents that had been killed by Voldemort in Dumbledore's office. Their were also machines that where hooked up to Harry, by his blood, which were all promptly destroyed.

In the middle of all this, McGonagall was put on probation, but not fired. Professor Flitwick was promoted to temporary Headmaster, and they had a new charms teacher, Jane Murphy. Binns and the Divination professor had both been sacked, and the board was currently trying to find replacements. But the scariest part was that Quirrell had apparently dropped dead in the middle a teachers meeting. When the magical version of a coroner had looked at him, he had found that Quirrell had been possessed by someone very evil and dark. The board was doing a much more comprehensive search for his replacement. The board had fixed the wards, and while doing that, they had learned that Ron's rat was a animagus, and the man who had betrayed Harry's parents. So, Sirius Black (who Harry learned was his godfather), was set free.

Other then all of the drama, harry was happy. He didn't have to do the deadly detention, and he several of his parents things back. Voldemort never rose, and he was living with his godfather, who didn't beat or starve him. Life was perfect.

 _ **Hey everyone! It's a midnight update! (ok, there is still a half an hour from midnight, but whatever) This will be my last midnight update for a while though. However, once school is back in (NOOOO only one more day of Freedom!) i will, hopefully, get into a better updating schedule (aka, there won't be a month in between updates.) The more ideas you give me for this story, the more I write! Please review!**_


	6. Logic and toads

**Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, own nothing. I only wish I did.**

Harry looked at the red-headed woman in confusion. She was surrounded by older kids, one of whom Harry could see a wand sticking out of his pocket, so what was she doing shouting about wizarding things in a muggle station? Harry waited at a discreet distance, and then watched her children charge into a wall, oblivious to the stares of the people around them. The people hadn't noticed them charging into a wall, but when an entire family of red heads was in your way one second, then gone the next, you tend to notice, apparently. Harry made his way over to the wall, noticing that it was the 3rd pillar out of four, on platform 9, and felt like smashing his head into said pillar. He really should of thought of that sooner. Apparently, the wizard's lack of logic was catching. Harry casually leaned onto the pillar, easing his way through it, then was on a mess of a platform that certainly wasn't muggle. There were owls everywhere, both in cages and free. A lot of people were wearing robes, which made Harry wonder why the red heads weren't, but he abandoned that thought in favor of getting on the train. He had a bit of difficulty getting his trunk on the rain, but a fellow student helped him with his, and Harry helped the boy with his own trunk, and they decided to go find a compartment to sit in, so they wouldn't be utterly alone, with nobody they knew. While they were searching for an empty compartment, Harry learned that the boy's name was Neville Longbottem, and that he was also a first year. Just as they found a compartment, Harry captured a toad that was escaping Neville's pocket.

"Is he yours?" He asked the boy.

"Yes. Thank you! He is always trying to escape."

"Why don't you get him a cage?"

"I never thought of that- I'll have to owl my Grandmother when we get to Hogwarts." Neville smiled as the train whistle rang through the air and started to move. For better or worse, they were off to Hogwarts.

 _ **Hey Everyone! Yes, i know i didn't give you very much of a clear and concise ending for this one. However, I didn't want to change everything just because of one thing. Use your imagination. If you want to expand this, just ask, I'll say yes. All you have to do is ask.**_

 _ **On another note, thank you to Magitech for inspiring this, and several upcoming chapters. I know this is way late, but better late then never!**_

 _ **Thank you, everyone for the outpouring of reviews on the last chapter- I was amazed at how many I got!**_


	7. Harry remebers something

Harry stopped Ron a second before he went storming up the girls staircase. "Remember what happened last time a guy tried to get up these stairs?" he reminded the redhead.

Ron's ears went red. "Oh, yeah."

"Hey, can you ask Hermione Granger to come down?" he asked an amused 4th year girl. She blushed and rushed up the stairs.

Seconds later, Hermione herself came down. Why do you want me?"

"Have you seen this?!" Ron snapped, pointing at the latest of Umbrige's degrees, which was hanging in it's frame on the Common room wall.


	8. Is this normal?

**Disclaimer: I'm just playing in JK's sandbox. I'll put everything back when I'm finished!**

 **This starts in the middle of the feast.**

Professor Dumbledore got to his feet again after the food disappeared. The hall fell silent.

"Ahem — just a few more words now that we are all fed and watered. I have a few start-of-term notices to give you."

"First years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils. And a few of our older students would do well to remember that as well."

Dumbledore's twinkling eyes flashed in the direction of the Weasley twins.

"I have also been asked by Mr. Filch, the caretaker, to remind you all that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors.

"Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of the term. Anyone interested in playing for their house teams should contact Madam Hooch.

"And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death."

Harry watched his fellow first year faces as Dumbledore talked about the school. His announcements about the third floor got many frightened looks from not just the first years.

"Is he serious!" Harry hissed.

"Apparently." Neville Longbottem whispered back.

"Is that normal?" he asked a few of the normal students.

"No, but that's why he is warning you not to go there."

"So you are telling me, out of the hundreds of students here, nobody is going to get curios and go look?" Harry questioned.

Hermione Granger looked pale "Of course people are going to go look. It's like saying 'don't think about pink elephants', and then all you can think about is pink elephants. It's basic logic!

"What's logic?" Ron Weasley asked. Harry and Hermione looked at each other and sighed, but were interrupted by Dumbledore before they could start explaining.

"And now, before we go to bed, let us sing the school song!" cried Dumbledore. Harry absentmindedly noticed that the other teachers' smiles had become rather fixed. He groaned internally- he just knew this was going to sound awful.

Dumbledore gave his wand a little flick, as if he was trying to get a fly off the end, and a long golden ribbon flew out of it, which rose high above the tables and twisted itself, snakelike, into words.

"Everyone pick their favorite tune," said Dumbledore, "and off we go!"

And the school bellowed:

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,

Teach us something please,

Whether we be old and bald

Or young with scabby knees,

Our heads could do with filling

With some interesting stuff,

For now they're bare and full of air,

Dead flies and bits of fluff,

So teach us things worth knowing,

Bring back what we've forgot,

Just do your best, we'll do the rest,

And learn until our brains all rot."

Everybody finished the song at different times. At last, only the Weasley twins were left singing along to a very slow funeral march.

Dumbledore conducted their last few lines with his wand and when they had finished, he was one of those who clapped loudest. "Ah, music," he said, wiping his eyes. "A magic beyond all we do here! And now, bedtime. Off you trot!"

The Gryffindor first years followed Percy and another perfect through the chattering crowds, out of the Great Hall, and up the marble staircase. Harry's legs were like lead again, but only because he was so tired and full of food. He was too sleepy even to be surprised that the people in the portraits along the corridors whispered and pointed as they passed, or that twice Percy led them through doorways hidden behind sliding panels and hanging tapestries.

They climbed more staircases, yawning and dragging their feet, and Harry was just wondering how much farther they had to go when they came to a sudden halt.

A bundle of walking sticks was floating in midair ahead of them, and as Percy took a step toward them they started throwing themselves at him.

"Peeves," Percy whispered to the first years. "A poltergeist." He raised his voice, "Peeves — show yourself."

A loud, rude sound, like the air being let out of a balloon, answered.

"Do you want me to go to the Bloody Baron?"

There was a pop, and a little man with wicked, dark eyes and a wide mouth appeared, floating cross-legged in the air, clutching the walking sticks.

"Oooooooh!" he said, with an evil cackle. "Ickle Firsties! What fun!"

He swooped suddenly at them. They all ducked.

"Go away, Peeves, or the Baron'll hear about this, I mean it!" barked Percy.

Peeves stuck out his tongue and vanished, dropping the walking sticks on Neville's head. They heard him zooming away, rattling coats of armor as he passed.

"You want to watch out for Peeves," said Percy, as they set off again. "The Bloody Baron's the only one who can control him, he won't even listen to us prefects. Here we are."

At the very end of the corridor hung a portrait of a very fat woman in a pink silk dress.

"Password?" she said.

"Caput Draconis," said Percy, and the portrait swung forward to reveal a round hole in the wall. They all scrambled through it — Neville needed a leg up — and found themselves in the Gryffindor common room, a cozy, round room full of squashy armchairs.

Percy directed the girls through one door to their dormitory and the boys through another. At the top of a spiral staircase — they were obviously in one of the towers — they found their beds at last: five four-posters hung with deep red, velvet curtains. Their trunks had already been brought up. Too tired to talk much, they pulled on their pajamas and fell into bed.

"Great food, isn't it?" Ron muttered to Harry through the hangings. "Get off, Scabbers! He's chewing my sheets."

Harry was going to ask Ron if his parents knew anything about the corridor of doom (which was what harry had decided to refer to it as), but he fell asleep almost at once.

Perhaps Harry had eaten a bit too much, because he had a very strange dream. He was wearing

Professor Quirrell's turban, which kept talking to him, telling him he must transfer to Slytherin at once, because it was his destiny. Harry told the turban he didn't want to be in Slytherin; it got heavier and heavier; he tried to pull it off but it tightened painfully — and there was Malfoy, laughing at him as he struggled with it — then Malfoy turned into the hook-nosed teacher, Snape, whose laugh became high and cold — there was a burst of green light and Harry woke, sweating and shaking.

He rolled over and fell asleep again, and when he woke next day, he didn't remember the dream at all. Fortunately, he did remember all about his questions.

"Do any of your parents knew anything about the corridor of doom?" He asked his roommates.

"Corridor of doom?"

"It's what I decided to nickname the 'third-floor corridor on the right-hand side that is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death.'" Harry quoted.

"You added a that." Neville pointed out.

"Whatever. It's close enough." Harry said.

"No." Seamus answered "Why should they?"

"There is something that could cause a painful death inside a school." Harry said dryly.

"Good point. I'll asked mine, and everyone else should ask theirs."

"My mum is a muggle. She wouldn't know anything." Dean said.

"Neither would my relatives." Harry said.

"Wait. I thought you lived with some secretive magical family?" Neville said.

"Who said that?" Harry asked.

"Dumbledore said that he had hidden you with a magical family, after your parents died."

"Nope. I grew up with my muggle relatives. I didn't know about magic until my letter came."

"So you were given the muggleborn packet, too?" Dean asked.

"What muggleborn packet?" Harry asked.

Dean rummaged through his trunk for a few minutes before producing two books and an informational booklet.

"No, I never got those. What's in them?"

"Well this book is about various jobs in the magical world, laws we need to follow, and magical creatures. The other one is about how to use magic properly, things we need to be careful about, how to id other wizards in the muggle world, and how to hide your magic from muggles. The packet is about how to use your magic, and stuff like Occlumency, and magical places."

"Yeah, I don't know any of that stuff. Can I borrow those?"

"Sure!" Dean said as the rest of the boys finish their letters.

"We should talk to the girls, and maybe the first years in other houses, to see if their parents

know anything." Neville suggested.

"Good idea!"

After their classes where over, the boys wandered around until they found the owlery, where Seamus tied the letter to his owl's leg, and Neville and Ron tied theirs to Hedwig's. The girls and several other first years from other houses where going to finish writing their letters, then mailing them later.

"This school need a map." Harry grumbled as they tried to find their way back to their common room.

A day later, while they were in Transfiguration, the school erupted in angry, screaming voices.

"What's that?" Harry asked.

"It sounds like a lot of howlers." Ron said.

Seeing Harry's confused look, Neville added "They are letters that are enchanted to shriek and the reader at the top of their lungs."

"Weird." Harry said, and class continued on, ignoring the shrieking in the distance.

All of the students discovered what had happened during dinner when the doors slammed open.

A group of people all wearing red uniforms stormed in, looking angry. "Dumbledore, what is this I hear about there being something incredibly dangerous inside the school!?" The woman in the front asked, her voice deceptively calm.

Two later, there were rumors strewn about the school. All of them were consistent in one thing, however. That was that Dumbledore had forced most of the teachers to create some sort of demented obstacle course protecting something that was put there to lure Voldemort in. Additionally, Professor. Quirrell had abruptly resigned. Things looked like they were changing. Harry didn't really care, however. He was to busy reading the books that Dean had loaned him. He just hoped there wouldn't be things like this happening again. He didn't have much faith in it though. After all, it was a magic school.

 _ **Hey everyone! I hope you like this, and please review!**_


	9. Seamus hits his head

**Disclaimer:Ain't mine and never will be, sadly. Don't sue. If you recognize certain ideas or plots, it would be because I've been rather strongly influenced by some of the excellent Harry Potter fanfiction authors I've read. No plagiarism is intended.**

Harry woke to sound of a scream, and the sounds of something heavy hitting the floor and a door slamming. "Hermione!" Seamus yelped, causing Harry to yank the blankets that had tangled around his legs while he was asleep over his head.

"Knock next time!" Ron said, sounding muffled. Harry guessed that he had also pulled his blankets over his head.

"Out." Dean said firmly, and Harry could hear his heavy footsteps escorting Hermione's the few feet that she had gotten into the room, before shutting the door firmly and locking it.

"Is it safe?" Harry asked, just to make sure.

"Yeah." Seamus said.

Harry emerged from his blankets to discover that Seamus had been the thud, as he was hiding under his bed. Neville had been the slam, as the bathroom door was firmly shut, though he had opened it after Hermione had been forced to leave. Out of all of them, Dean was the only one dressed for the day, as it was 7:30 am on a Sunday. Everyone else was wearing their pjs. As it was only the third day of school, and thus, still hot, Neville was the only one out of the four of them wearing a shirt.

"Why doesn't the boy's stairway have a slide thing like the girls does?" Harry asked.

"You know, I don't know." Neville said

"We should have one." Seamus said, rubbing his head where he had hit it on the floor when he had dove under his bed.

 _ **Hey everyone! Please give me more ideas! The more ideas I have, the more chapters there are!**_


	10. Harry is suspicious

**This chapter starts at the beginning of Chapter four of the first book.**

BOOM.

They knocked again. Dudley jerked awake.

"Where's the cannon?" he said stupidly.

There was a crash behind them and Uncle Vernon came skidding into the room. He was holding a rifle in his hands – now they knew what had been in the long, thin package he had brought with them.

"Who's there?" he shouted. "I warn you — I'm armed!"

There was a pause. Then —

SMASH!

The door was hit with such force that it swung clean off its hinges and with a deafening crash landed flat on the floor.

A giant of a man was standing in the doorway.

Harry froze, then shoved himself further into the corner that that he was hiding in. He could see Dudley valiantly trying to hide behind his mother- something that was doomed to failure.

His face was almost completely hidden by a long, shaggy mane of hair and a wild, tangled beard, but you could make out his eyes, glinting like black beetles under all the hair.

The giant squeezed his way into the hut, stooping so that his head just brushed the ceiling. He bent down, picked up the door, and fitted it easily back into its frame. The noise of the storm outside dropped a little. He turned to look at them all.

"Couldn't make us a cup o' tea, could yeh? It's not been an easy journey…"

"Why would we want to make tea for someone who just broke in, at midnight, while we were asleep?!" Harry snapped, surprising himself with the outburst. He usually had better control then that.

"I was a friend of your parents." the giant said hesitantly.

"I don't care." Harry snapped "You broke in! Now leave, or he will shoot you!" he yelled, gesturing towards his uncle.

"I'll come back in the mornin', then." the giant muttered, stomping out. Harry resisted the urge to throw a sarcastic comment at him.

"I have a good idea." Harry said, once the sound of overly large footsteps went away. "Lets get out of here!" For once, the Dursleys didn't disagree.

Two days later, Harry was shown around the wizarding world by professor McGonagall, after the gamekeeper's abject failure.

 ** _I've always found it slightly suspicious and weird how Hagrid could just barge in, and Vernon didn't shoot him. If I were in his position, I probably would. Also, why would you send the world's most famous child to be shown around by the gamekeeper?_**

 ** _Anyways, I hope you liked it, and please give me more ideas!_**


	11. Something happens to the water beetle

**This chapter starts in chapter 26 of the fourth book, right after Harry gets out of the lake.**

"You haff a water beetle in your hair, Herm-own-ninny," said Krum. Harry had the impression that Krum was drawing her attention back onto himself; perhaps to remind her that he had just rescued her from the lake, but Hermione brushed away the beetle impatiently and said, "You're well outside the time limit, though, Harry. . . . Did it take you ages to find us?"

Harry idly watched the beetle fly into the cold water of the lake, and responded "No... I found you okay.…". he said slowly, feeling rather stupid that he didn't realize that the hostages wouldn't die at the bottom of the lake if he had just left. As he watched it, the beetle started struggling, and slowly went under water, fighting to get back to the air. 'It must not of been a water beetle" harry thought.

Two days later the Daily Prophet was filled with news that reporter Rita Skeeter hadn't shown up for work, and was missing. Harry never connected the dots between her disappearance and the beetle that had drowned. He was just glad that Skeeter couldn't write anymore bad articles about him.

 _ **Hey everyone! Happy new year! Yes, i know Rita could of just turned back to human and gotten out, but I'm blaming the flight or fight response. I didn't really create these for them to be logical, really. I made them so that they are funny or entertaining(i hope) I hope that all of you have an awesome new year!**_

 _ **Guest who commented on the first chapter- That was my way of making sure that i could have harry kill Volde with a gun. Yeah, it doesn't really make sense. I'll admit that. But it is kinda funny/ironic.**_

 _ **Guest who commented on the last chapter about hagrid- he is an awesome gamekeeper, but what school would send the gamekeeper to show students around?**_

 _ **Guests who wanted a chapter about Rita Skeeter- Well? Did you like it? I will probably do another chapter about her at some point, getting rid of her in some other way.**_


	12. Percy is disapproving

Chapter 12

 **"** **You're joking."**

 **It was dinnertime. Harry had just finished telling Ron what had happened when he'd left the grounds with Professor McGonagall. Ron had a piece of steak and kidney pie halfway to his mouth, but he'd forgotten all about it.**

 **"** **Seeker?" he said. "But first years never — you must be the youngest house player in about —"**

 **"—** **a century," said Harry, shoveling pie into his mouth. He felt particularly hungry after the excitement of the afternoon. "Wood told me."**

 **Ron was so amazed, so impressed, he just sat and gaped at Harry.**

 **"** **I start training next week," said Harry. "Only don't tell anyone, Wood wants to keep it a secret."**

 **Fred and George Weasley now came into the hall, spotted Harry, and hurried over.**

 **"** **Well done," said George in a low voice. "Wood told us. We're on the team too — Beaters."**

 **"** **I tell you, we're going to win that Quidditch cup for sure this year," said Fred. "We haven't won since Charlie left, but this year's team is going to be brilliant. You must be good, Harry, Wood was almost skipping when he told us."**

 **"** **Anyway, we've got to go, Lee Jordan reckons he's found a new secret passageway out of the school."**

 **"** **Bet it's that one behind the statue of Gregory the Smarmy that we found in our first week. See you."**

 **Fred and George had hardly disappeared when someone far less welcome turned up: Malfoy, flanked by Crabbe and Goyle.**

 **"** **Having a last meal, Potter? When are you getting the train back to the Muggles?"**

 **"** **You're a lot braver now that you're back on the ground and you've got your little friends with you," said Harry coolly. There was of course nothing at all little about Crabbe and Goyle, but as the High Table was full of teachers, neither of them could do more than crack their knuckles and scowl.**

 **"** **I'd take you on anytime on my own," said Malfoy. "Tonight, if you want. Wizard's duel. Wands only — no contact. What's the matter? Never heard of a wizard's duel before, I suppose?"**

 **"** **Of course he has," said Ron, wheeling around. "I'm his second, who's yours?"**

 **"** **Wait, back up. Why would I duel you?" Harry asked. "And you know that there are an entire table of teachers staring at us. Who can probably guess what you are saying. And your bodyguards sitting there cracking their knuckles and looking like they want to punch us probably doesn't help!"**

 **"** **Honor. You can't back out of a duel that you've already accepted, Potter." Malfoy sneered.**

 **"** **Fortunately, I didn't accept it. What's the point in it if all we can do is shoot sparks at each other? Oh, and did you know that there is a perfect standing behind you?" Harry smirked.**

 **Malfoy spun around to meet Percy's disapproving gaze.**

 **Unfortunately, there was nothing Percy could do but warn them that they would be caught, then had to let the Slytherins go. He then warned Harry and Ron to not even think about going to the duel. Harry assured that he wouldn't of gone, while Ron sulked.**

 **Once he and Ron were alone, he exploded. "Why did you accept that for me?!"**

 **"** **You have to do it!" Ron snapped.**

 **"** **Why?"**

 **"** **Because you have to!" Ron exclaimed.**

 **"** **Well, until you can give me a better answer then that, I'm not going." Harry said, and stalked off to his next class, leaving Ron staring at him dumbfounded in the middle of the hall.**

 **The next morning, Ron was in trouble for sneaking out and breaking curfew while Harry slept in his dorm room.**


	13. Harry has a brilliant idea

**This chapter takes place in between the first and second book.**

Chapter 13

Harry Potter had a brilliant idea. While searching the entire library for information on Nicholas Flamel, he had discovered a charm that could turn 'strange and barbarian' muggle paper- of any kind-into 'normal, civilized' parchment. Even remembering those words, Harry had to resist laughter. That would not be a good idea, as he was currently locked up in his bedroom in the Dursley's house. This place would never be his home. Yet, he had a feeling that Hogwarts would never be his home either- it was too backwards, too medieval. Anyways, back to Harry's brilliant idea. One day in the middle of the summer, he managed to escape the Dursley's house with some of the money he had turned into muggle money- after all, what good was the massive fortune if he couldn't use it in 90% of the world? He went to the local thrift store and bought two things- clothes that actually fit him (he didn't care that they were old and a little threadbare- they fit, and that was all that counted) and an old fashioned typewriter and all of it's supplies. It didn't run on electricity, so he could bring it to Hogwarts. His essays would now be finished faster, and his handwriting would be neater! Muggles- 1. Wizards- 0!

 _ **Hey everyone! I hope you liked this! Expect more very soon (as in within the hour, to make up up for how short this one is!). Oh, and to the reviewer who left some very nasty comments Yes, I leave some obvious plot holes, but these are oneshots, not full stories! They are supposed to be funny and entertaining, so you sometimes have to sacrifice things! So, don't like it, don't read!**_


	14. The random wizard

**This take place at no particular time before Harry was born.**

Chapter 14

The random wizard quivered as he hid behind a bush and stared at the evil face only a dozen feet away from him. Gathering his nerves, he slowly aimed his wand. He would only have one shot at this. If he missed, he would be dead. There would be no escape. He muttered two words- "Avada Kedavra", then watched as the sickly green curse hit the evil wizard. He watched as the surrounding minions freaked out at their leaders demise, then started taking pot-shots at the surrounding minions. He somehow managed to escape alive, reappearing near his friends, who stared at him from their respective hiding spots. "Dude." one sputtered out "You just killed You-Know-Who!"

The random wizard managed a grim smile "and some minions, too. Now, I think we can still hit some of them from here." He waited for a minute- they were all still staring at him "Well do I have to give you all engraved invitations?" He asked sharply, then aimed his wand at the minions who where still running in circles and losing their minds, and aimed a bone breaking curse at one. The minion's friends in evility didn't notice as he dropped dead. That galvanized his friends into action as well, and they managed to take out a good portion of Volde's army before they were discovered and had to escape.

Later, the random wizard cursed the fact that his parents had gone to school with Volde, he had been born in the last few minutes of July, and the fact that he had scraped his knee while killing Volde.

Years later, Harry Potter was born and lived a normal life, thanks to the random wizard.

 _ **Hey everyone! 30 minutes after the last chapter, here is the next chapter! ONE MORE chapter will be out within an hour! I hope you liked it! Please review!**_


	15. Hermione yells a lot

**This takes place in the first book**

Chapter 15

We just nearly died! Why are you people not freaking out!" Hermione yelled at the teachers who were just standing around the bathroom door and staring at the troll's dead body. "Why didn't anyone notice that I wasn't at the feast, and come and warn me! Yes, they did, but they are first years- they shouldn't have to." She shrieked. She glared at the teachers crowded around the doorway. Professor McGonagall, Snape, and Quirrell stared back. Quirrellwas still slumped on the toilet seat, whimpering every time he looked at the troll, and avoiding Hermione's glare. If an 11 year old witch could scare him, how good of a teacher was he, Harry wondered.

"How often does things like this happen here?!" Hermione demanded to know. Meanwhile, her yelling seemed to have attracted Professors Flitwick and Sprout.

"Not very often, Ms. Granger, but this is a Magical school, and it is going to be more dangerous then a Muggle one." Professor McGonagall tried to console her. It didn't work.

"That just means you just need to prepare for things more! And I thought that Hogwart's wards prevented thing like trolls!" She yelled. "Mark my words, if one more dangerous thing happens, my parents will pull me out of this school."

"You can't not go to magic school, Granger." Snape sneered.

"There's got to be other magic schools, right? I can always go to one of them, and trust me, as long as they are safe, my parents will support the decision." she huffed, then stalked out the door, Harry and Ron following, while the teachers stared at them in amazment.

The teachers tightened up security, and no other incident happened that year other then Professor Quirrell disappearing, never to be seen again.

 ** _Hey everyone, for the last time tonight! If i nearly died at school, my parents would pull me out so fast, so this one is actually kinda realistic, other then, you know, the magic. I hope you liked this, and please review!_**


	16. Harry makes a cauldron explode

**Chapter 16**

Harry felt his feet slam into the ground; his injured leg gave way, and he fell forward; his hand let go of the Triwizard Cup at last. He raised his head. "Where are we?" he said.

Cedric shook his head. He got up, pulled Harry to his feet, and they looked around.

They had left the Hogwarts grounds completely; they had obviously traveled miles — perhaps hundreds of miles — for even the mountains surrounding the castle were gone. They were standing instead in a dark and overgrown graveyard; the black outline of a small church was visible beyond a large yew tree to their right. A hill rose above them to their left. Harry could just make out the outline of a fine old house on the hillside.

Cedric looked down at the Triwizard Cup and then up at Harry. "Did anyone tell you the cup was a Portkey?" he asked.

"Nope," said Harry. He was looking around the graveyard. It was completely silent and slightly eerie."Is this supposed to be part of the task?"

"I dunno," said Cedric. He sounded slightly nervous. "Wands out, d'you reckon?"

"Yeah," said Harry, glad that Cedric had made the suggestion rather than him. They pulled out their wands. Harry kept looking around him.

He had, yet again, the strange feeling that they were being watched. "Someone's coming," he said suddenly.

Squinting tensely through the darkness, they watched the figure drawing nearer, walking steadily toward them between the graves. Harry couldn't make out a face, but from the way it was walking and holding its arms, he could tell that it was carrying something. Whoever it was, he was short, and wearing a hooded cloak pulled up over his head to obscure his face. And — several paces nearer, the gap between them closing all the time — Harry saw that the thing in the person's arms looked like a baby . . . or was it merely a bundle of robes?

Harry lowered his wand slightly, and glanced sideways at Cedric. Cedric shot him a quizzical look. They both turned back to watch the approaching figure.

It stopped beside a towering marble headstone, only six feet from them. For a second, Harry and Cedric and the short figure simply looked at one another. And then, without warning, Harry's scar exploded with pain. It was agony such as he had never felt in all his life; his wand slipped from his fingers as he put his hands over his face; his knees buckled; he was on the ground and he could see nothing at all; his head was about to split open.

From far away, above his head, he heard a high, cold voice say, "Kill the spare."

The second Harry heard Volde's rasping voice, he shoved his shoulder into Cedric's knees and pushed him to the ground. A hail of green curses flew over their heads, a few hitting the gravestones they had landing behind. Harry carefully aimed and sent an explosion hex towards the cauldron, before ducking back behind the gravestone.

The cauldron blew up spectacularly. Almost too spectacularly. Harry felt a little singed around the edges, but considering that there were no more curses flying towards them, he though it was a fair trade. "Are you ok?" He asked Cedric.

"Warn me before you do that, next time!" He said. "I feel a little crispy, but otherwise ok."

"I have an idea. Let's get out of here!"

"What about..." Cedric gestured towards the spot where the cauldron was.

"Do you want to die?" Harry hissed "Let's get out of here and let the adults deal with it!"

"Point." Cedric said "Accio trophy!" he called, and they both grabbed the golden trinket, and were whirled away to Hogwarts.


	17. people are angry

Chapter 17

The first day of school in Harry's third year was crazy. It all started with the front page article of The Daily Prophet, which complained about the Minister's decision to put dementors around the school, and how Dumbledore had agreed.

Within hours, the school (and likely the ministry, though Harry didn't know for certain) was filled with angry parents yelling at whatever teacher they could find, causing all classes to be canceled. Dumbledore was hidden in his office, which created the entertaining scene of a dozen parents standing in front of the stone guardians, trying to guess what candy he had as the password.

While this was happening, most muggleborns were sending letters to their parents, with a copy of the Prophet enclosed, explaining what was happening. That just created more angry parents, and as they couldn't get to Hogwarts, they sen angry letters to the headmaster and the minister, threatening to withdraw their child to a school that was actually safe.

On top of that, most of the older year had taken it upon themselves to try and explain to the frightened first years that this was not normal, and the school wasn't normally like this. They carefully avoided mention of the past two years, with verylittle success.

By the end of the day, several parents had yelled themselves hoarse at Dumbledore, a bunch of ministry bigwigs had come and removed the dementors, and Fudge had doubled the DMLE budget and declared that the amount of Aurors was to be doubled. Harry was just glad that the dementors were gone and he wouldn't have to listen to his parents deaths and Volde shrieking anymore.

 **Hi everyone! Just a reminder- if you haveanything you would like me to write, please tell me in a review of PM me! Thanks!**


	18. Gilderoy has some problems

"Ah, hello Gilderoy!" Professor Dumbledore greets the man walking into his office. He hid his smile behind his beard and mustache, amused at the man who thought he was getting a job.

"Hello Professor Dumbledore!" the overly blonde wizard smiled, sitting down in one of the chairs in front of the desk.

Albus again resisted laughter as he remembered the young boy he had taught- the boy with black hair. His piercing eyes stared at Lockhart, x-raying him, wondering how the cheerful boy he remembered became the thing he saw in front of him. "Well, let's get down to business, then." he said, and reached under his desk for a stack of books. He watched Lockhart's face blanch as he did so. "Why do you want this job, Gilderoy? You've enjoyed a lot of success with your books."

"Well, I've done a lot of traveling over the years, I wanted to settle down a bit, teach the kids what I learned along the way." Lockhart smiled.

"You certainly have! You definitely have an amazing resume, if no applied teaching skills, so I just have one more question." Dumbledore smiled, and nodded to his pheonix, who disappeared in a flash of flames, inwardly cackling.

"That is, Professor?" Lockhart asked.

"How long did you think you would be able to hid your crimes, Gilderoy?" he asked as aurors burst in, wands in Lockhart's face, and had him in anti-apperation handcuffs on him before he could blink.

"Really, Gilderoy, did you think that the wizards that knew your victims would remain silent? Also, in the books you celebrate your 33rd birthday twice, along with a large amount of other mistakes. Did you really think I would hire you with only your books as your recommendation?" He asked as Lockhart was pulled out of the office, unable to answer.

"Thank you for this, Albus." Madame Bones smiled as she walked up to him.

"No problem- it was the easiest was to capture him without his legions of fans attacking.

"And we always want to avoid legions of rabid fans." Madame Bones laughed. "Now, as for your hiring problem, I have a recently injured auror, who will not be able to return to field duty, and will probably want more of a job then desk duty. If you want, I could talk to her for you."

"That would solve some problems, yes. Thank you, Amelia." Albus smiled at his former student.

 _ **Hey everyone! Yeah, I'm back! While my health issues aren't completely (and never will be) over, i finished mt finals, and am on break now, so I should start updating again! I certainly have missed this, and all of my readers! I hope to have another chapter up in the next few days.**_

 _ **SORRY EVERYONE- I SOMEHOW MANAGED TO REPOST CHAPTER 16! THIS IS THE ONE I MEANT TO POST! HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!**_


	19. A collection of things

_**As you might of guessed from the title, this isn't just one fic. There are two very tiny ones, then one large one. There are these NFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFN lines in between each. (for some reason, I couldn't get anything else to work) Happy reading!**_

The random wizard scowled at the full laundry basket. "ELF" he bellowed.

"Yes, master." the elf cowered.

"DO THE LAUNDRY" he hollered, throwing the shirt he was holding at the elf.

"Master…. You have freed Tispy." the elf cried.

"No, no, no…" the wizard quickly backpedaled, but the elf had already disappeared with a crack.

"I hate laundry day." the wizard sighed. "I always lose so many elves!"

Elsewhere, the elf called. "Finally free!" She cheered, excited that she was no longer a wizards slave. "What should I do now?" she wondered. "Whatever, at least I'm FREE!"

NFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNF

Where did buckbeak go?" Harry asked Hagrid, looking arounds for the now familiar Hippogriff.

"Oh- he flew away."

"He flew away?" Harry repeated.

"He is a wild animal." Hagrid said defensively.

"And this isn't because his trial is next week?" harry asked suspiciously.

"No, not at all. He's just going to where he was always supposed to be." Hagrid said.

"Riight" Harry muttered under his breath. "Good luck telling the executioners that one, Hagrid." he said hiding his eye roll.

NFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNFNF

Book 2, chapter nine page 158 (Just after percy finds them in myrtle's bathroom)

Harry, Ron, and Hermione chose seats as far as possible from Percy in the common room that night. Ron was still in a very bad temper and kept blotting his Charms homework. When he reached absently for his wand to remove the smudges, it ignited the parchment. Fuming almost as much as his homework, Ron slammed The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2 shut. To Harry's surprise, Hermione followed suit.

"Who can it be, though?" she said in a quiet voice, as though continuing a conversation they had just been having. "Who'd want to frighten all the Squibs and Muggle-borns out of Hogwarts?"

"Let's think," said Ron in mock puzzlement. "Who do we know who thinks Muggle-borns are scum?"

He looked at Hermione. Hermione looked back, unconvinced.

"If you're talking about Malfoy—"

"Of course I am!" said Ron. "You heard him—'You'll be next, Mudbloods!'—come on, you've only got to look at his foul rat face to know it's him—"

"Malfoy, the Heir of Slytherin?" said Hermione skeptically.

"Look

at his family," said Harry, closing his books, too. "The whole lot of them have been in Slytherin; he's always boasting about it. They could easily be Slytherin's descendants. His father's definitely evil enough."

"They could've had the key to the Chamber of Secrets for centuries!" said Ron. "Handing it down, father to son…"

"Well," said Hermione cautiously, "I suppose it's possible…"

"But how do we prove it?" said Harry darkly.

"There might be a way," said Hermione slowly, dropping her voice still further with a quick glance across the room at Percy. "Of course, it would be difficult. And dangerous, very dangerous. We'd be breaking about fifty school rules, I expect—"

"If, in a month or so, you feel like explaining, you will let us know, won't you?" said Ron irritably.

"All right," said Hermione coldly. "What we'd need to do is to get inside the Slytherin common room and ask Malfoy a few questions without him realizing it's us."

"But that's impossible," Harry said as Ron laughed.

"No, it's not," said Hermione. "All we'd need would be some Polyjuice Potion."

"What's that?" said Ron and Harry together.

"Snape mentioned it in class a few weeks ago—"

"D'you think we've got nothing better to do in Potions than listen to Snape?" muttered Ron.

"It transforms you into somebody else. Think about it! We could change into three of the Slytherins. No one would know it was us. Malfoy would probably tell us anything. He's probably boasting about it in the Slytherin common room right now, if only we could hear him."

Harry glanced around wary. No one seemed to be paying attention to them, all immersed in their textbooks or friends. "Who would we turn into, then? And how do we know what normal behavior is for them?" he asked.

"Oh…" Hermione said, wincing. "I didn't think of that."

"I vote we concentrate on what the creature is. Hermione, do you have any books about magical animals in your room?" Harry asked

"No, but if I hurry, I can go and get some- curfew is in a half an hour." Hermione replied.

"Wait- I'll give you my cloak, just in case." Harry said, dashing towards the stairs of the boys room.

20 minutes later, Hermione was back with a stack of books in her arm. Harry and Ron looked up from the charms homework they were attempting to do when she dropped a book in front of them, leaving three in front of herself.

"I say, based in the fact that it's Slytherin's monster that we are looking into, we should focus on snakes first, then other reptiles next, and then all other creatures last." Ron said.

Harry and Hermione looked up, surprised. "That's a really good idea." Hermione said, and they dove into their books.

An hour, and many yawns later, Hermione froze. "I think I've found it." she exclaimed.

Harry took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes "well, what is it?" he asked putting the glasses back on.

"A basilisk. This book says "The Basilisk is a giant serpent, also known as the King of Serpents. Looking a Basilisk directly in the eye will immediately kill the victim, but indirect contact will merely render them Petrified. It is also the mortal enemy of spiders, who can intuitively sense them and flee whenever they do.

The Basilisk has a classification as an XXXXX creature, meaning it is a known wizard-killer that cannot be domesticated due to its immense powers. Since the Basilisk is still a serpent, a Parselmouth may place a Basilisk under his or her control. This depends on the relationship between the Basilisk and the Parselmouth." Hermione recited eagerly.

"We've got to tell a teacher!" Ron said

"Curfew was an hour ago, though." Harry pointed out.

"Ron, your brother is right there, asleep- he's a perfect, if he comes with us, we won't get in trouble."

"I'll go wake him up." Ron volunteered.

Fifteen minutes later they had finished explaining everything to percy, who was frowning. "I'm going to see if the 7th year perfect is still awake." he said, then headed for the stairs.

Ten minutes later, Percy came downstairs with a blonde boy rubbing his eyes in tow. "Tell him what you told me."

The blonde groaned when they were finished. "So you want me to go with you guys." he said, with everyone nodding. "Well I've got a better idea. Percy, can you hold the portrait open for me?" he asked.

He then walked outside, and proceeded to talk to the Fat Lady. "I need Professor McGonagall, Professor Dumbledore, and whatever other teachers that are still awake up in here. Tell them we've discovered something about the monster in the Chamber of Secrets."

A half an hour later, almost every professor in the school, and quite a few students, who had heard the commotion and came downstairs were listening as the trio explained why the thought that the monster was a basilisk.

"Professor McGonagall." Professor Dumbledore said wearly "Please fire call the aurors and the Committee of disposal of magical creatures. Also call a few of the historians that specializes in the founders and see if they might know or can guess where the chamber is. Professors Snape, Flitwick, and Sprout. Wake up your houses, and make sure everyone is there. Then, relay this information to , lock them inside their common rooms, the elves can bring them their meals directly to the common rooms. Professors Vector and Sinestra, go to the hospital wing, and tell madame Pomfrey. Then discover who the students that are there, and lock them in as well. Poppy can floo to us if she needs anything. I will do the same for Gryffindor, then go to the staff room where I will await our visitors. If you think you hear the snake, be very care to not look in that direction, and instead go the opposite direction, and head for safety." Dumbledore finished.

"Professor."Hermione said, them blushed bright red at the attention of all the gathered professors and students

"Yes, Ms. Granger?" he asked kindly.

"You can use a mirror to check corners. That way, if the snake is near and you don't hear in, you don't turn the corner and look at it head on, you only get petrified.

"Very good idea, Ms. Granger." the headmaster said approvingly, as all of the teachers conjectured mirrors. "Now, can all of you go wake up your housemates, and bring them down here?" he asked the assembled students as the teachers left. Harry noticed that the first few checked both sides of the door before walking out.

Two days later, the school had been cleared, and the monster was dead. It had also been discovered that Ginny Weasley had been possessed by an evil book, thanks to better wards being raised around the school. The wards had also discovered that Scabbers was an animagus. No one knew he was yet, as he had been promptly shoved in an unbreakable cage but a handful of aurors. Things had yet to settle down, but Harry hoped they would soon, as he wanted to know what happened soon. He thought it couldn't get worse then the past few days had been, and hoped to the quickly approaching better days.

 _ **Hey everyone! Happy (almost, for me, as it's almost 9:30) New Year! Here is my present to you! If you have any idea I can use, please put in a review, or PM me it- the more ideas, the more chapters. There probably will be a few more chapters up before Jan 16, when I go back to college. After that, no guarantees when I will update next. Goodnight everyone!**_


	20. A collection of things 2

**Inspired by Kairan1979**

"I have one question for all of you." Harry told the crowd of students staring at him. "Why do you think I should have to teach you selfish brats?"

As the outraged comments and objections to that statement died down, Harry continued. "All of you switch sides faster then I can blink. In my first year alone, first you loved me, then all the Gryffindors hated me, and then I almost died, and then you loved me again. In my second year, you all thought i was the evil terrorist running around trying to kill people, and then my friend almost died, and all of a sudden you like me again. And then I almost die, and you love me again. Do need to continue?" He asked, glaring at his audience. "But, for the fun if it, I think I will. In my third year you loved me, and then the jeering came, and then then it got better. In my fourth year you loved me, hated me, loved me, then you hated me. This you you hated me, and that has not changed at all. And now you are here begging me to help you? Will you turn around the second I do? NO, I will NOT help you!" he yelled, and stormed out.

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Harry had been to several Hogwarts feasts, but never one quite like this. Everybody was in their pajamas, and the celebration lasted all night. Harry didn't know whether the best bit was Hermione running toward him, screaming "You solved it! You solved it!" or Justin hurrying over from the Hufflepuff table to wring his hand and apologize endlessly for suspecting him, or Hagrid turning up at half past three, cuffing Harry and Ron so hard on the shoulders that they were knocked into their plates of trifle, or his and Ron's four hundred points for Gryffindor securing the House Cup for the second year running, or Professor McGonagall standing up to tell them all that the exams had been canceled as a school treat.

However, the brief feelings of happiness fading instantaneously, as every single person in 5th and 7th years immediately starting rioting. "What! Then how are we supposed to ever succeed in life!" A seventh year Ravenclaw yelled.

"So all years of students are going to be marked as failed in the ministry of magic!" A 5th year slytherin screamed at the head table. He had managed to catch the attention of the rest of the years, who didn't want to fail a year of school.

For the first time that Harry could remember, all of the students were united against one thing. Two minutes later, once the teacher managed to get the schools attention, the exams were promptly reinstated.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

 **Inspired by Hawkswench**

"I am really envying the Slytherins and Hufflepuffs right now" Harry groaned. He and all of the other Gryffindors were on the long trek to the seventh floor and their common room.

"The last thing I want, after a long day of classes, is to walk up seven flights of stairs, just to get to the common room!" Seamus agreed.

"And don't forget the trick steps, the staircases that move somewhere else on certain days, and all the doubling back we have to do on a daily basis!" Dean added.

"What if we forget something for a class? We have to run up all these stairs, get it, run back, and by then we are late for class and have points taken away!" Ron said vehemently.

"It's not like we even use half the space hogwarts has, either! We could all be closer to the ground, and nobody would even notice, this castle is so huge!"

"If only we had elevators." Hermione sighed. "There would be so much less walking."

"What's an elevetr?" Ron asked, and all of the muggle borns and half bloods groaned.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

 **Inspired by a guest**

Lee Jordan glared at the back of his hand, and the word carved into it. He had watched a lot of things happen at the school, but this was, by far, the worst. A teacher was torturing students, and the other teachers weren't doing anything about it. It was time to bring in the big guns.

When the rumors of Umbridge intercepting owls started, Lee had brought a letter to his parents to Hogsmeade, and sent off an owl to his parents. The owl told them what was happening, and contained the key to a code that lee had memorized, so he could send them letters without Umbridge reading them. He used that now.

A day later, Lee's parents came storming up to the school, with a group of aurors following. By dinner that night, Umbridge was arrested, and the school learned that 28 students had been tortured.


	21. madam pince is probably horrified

**This begins in Chamber of Secrets, chapter 9, page 147, paragraph 8**

Hermione emerged from between the bookshelves. She looked irritable and at last seemed ready to talk to them.

"All the copies of Hogwarts, A History have been taken out," she said, sitting down next to Harry and Ron. "And there's a two-week waiting list. I wish I hadn't left my copy at home, but I couldn't fit it in my trunk with all the Lockhart books."

"Why do you want it?" said Harry.

"The same reason everyone else wants it," said Hermione, "to read up on the legend of the Chamber of Secrets."

"What's that?" said Harry quickly.

"That's just it. I can't remember," said Hermione, biting her lip.

"And I can't find the story anywhere else —"

"Hermione, let me read your composition," said Ron desperately, checking his watch.

"No, I won't," said Hermione, suddenly severe. "You've had ten days to finish it —"

"I only need another two inches, come on —" The bell rang. Ron and Hermione led the way to History of Magic, bickering. History of Magic was the dullest subject on their schedule. Professor Binns, who taught it, was their only ghost teacher, and the most exciting thing that ever happened in his classes was his entering the room through the blackboard. Ancient and shriveled, many people said he hadn't noticed he was dead. He had simply got up to teach one day and left his body behind him in an armchair in front of the staffroom fire; his routine had not varied in the slightest since.

Today was as boring as ever. Professor Binns opened his notes and began to read in a flat drone like an old vacuum cleaner until nearly everyone in the class was in a deep stupor, occasionally coming to long enough to copy down a name or date, then falling asleep again. He had been speaking for half an hour when something happened that had never happened before. Hermione put up her hand.

Professor Binns, glancing up in the middle of a deadly dull lecture on the International Warlock Convention of 1289, looked amazed.

"Miss — er — ?"

"Granger, Professor. I was wondering if you could tell us anything about the Chamber of Secrets," said Hermione in a clear voice.

Dean Thomas, who had been sitting with his mouth hanging open, gazing out of the window, jerked out of his trance; Lavender Brown's head came up off her arms and Neville Longbottom's elbow slipped off his desk.

Professor Binns blinked."My subject is History of Magic," he said in his dry, wheezy voice. "I deal with, facts, Miss Granger, not myths and legends." He cleared his throat with a small noise like chalk snapping and continued, "In September of that year, a subcommittee of Sardinian sorcerers —"He stuttered to a halt. Hermione's hand was waving in the air again."Miss Grant?"

"Please, sir, don't legends always have a basis in fact?"Professor Binns was looking at her in such amazement, Harry was sure no student had ever interrupted him before, alive or dead.

"Well," said Professor Binns slowly, "yes, one could argue that, I suppose." He peered at Hermione as though he had never seen a student properly before. "However, the legend of which you speak is such a very sensational, even ludicrous tale —"

But the whole class was now hanging on Professor Binns's every word. He looked dimly at them all, every face turned to his. Harry could tell he was completely thrown by such an unusual show of interest.

"Oh, very well," he said slowly. "Let me see . . . the Chamber of Secrets . . .

"You all know, of course, that Hogwarts was founded over a thousand years ago — the precise date is uncertain — by the four greatest witches and wizards of the age. The four school Houses are named after them: Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin. They built this castle together, far from prying Muggle eyes, for it was an age when magic was feared by common people, and witches and wizards suffered much

Persecution." He paused, gazed blearily around the room, and continued. "For a few years, the founders worked in harmony together, seeking out youngsters who showed signs of magic and bringing them to the castle to be educated. But then disagreements sprang up between them. A rift began to grow between Slytherin and the others. Slytherin wished to be more selective about the students admitted to Hogwarts. He believed that magical learning should be kept within all-magic families. He disliked taking students of Muggle parentage, believing them to be untrustworthy. After a while, there was a serious argument on the subject between Slytherin and Gryffindor, and Slytherin left the school." Professor Binns paused again, pursing his lips, looking like a wrinkled old tortoise."Reliable historical sources tell us this much," he said. "But these honest facts have been obscured by the fanciful legend of the Chamber of Secrets. The story goes that Slytherin had built a hidden chamber in the castle, of which the other founders knew nothing. "Slytherin, according to the legend, sealed the Chamber of Secrets so that none would be able to open it until his own true heir arrived at the school. The heir alone would be able to unseal the Chamber of Secrets, unleash the horror within, and use it to purge the school of all who were unworthy to study magic."

There was silence as he finished telling the story, but it wasn't the usual, sleepy silence that filled Professor Binns's classes. There was unease in the air as everyone continued to watch him, hoping for more. Professor Binns looked faintly annoyed.

"The whole thing is arrant nonsense, of course," he said. "Naturally, the school has been searched for evidence of such a chamber, many times, by the most learned witches and wizards. It does not exist. A tale told to frighten the gullible."

Hermione's hand was back in the air. "Sir — what exactly do you mean by the 'horror within' the Chamber?"

"That is believed to be some sort of monster, which the Heir of Slytherin alone can control," said Professor Binns in his dry, reedy voice.

The class exchanged nervous looks.

"I tell you, the thing does not exist," said Professor Binns, shuffling his notes. "There is

no Chamber and no monster."

"But, sir," said Seamus Finnigan, "if the Chamber can only be opened by Slytherin's true heir, no one else would be able to find it, would they?"

"Nonsense, O'Flaherty," said Professor Binns in an aggravated tone. "If a long succession of Hogwarts headmasters and headmistresses haven't found the thing —"

"But, Professor," piped up Parvati Patil, "you'd probably have to use Dark Magic to open it —"

"Just because a wizard doesn't use Dark Magic doesn't mean he can't, Miss Pennyfeather," snapped Professor Binns. "I repeat, if the likes of Dumbledore —"

"But maybe you've got to be related to Slytherin, so Dumbledore couldn't —" began Dean Thomas, but Professor Binns had had enough.

"That will do," he said sharply."It is a myth! It does not exist!There is not a shred of evidence that Slytherin ever built so much as a secret broom cupboard! I regret telling you such a foolish story! We will return, if you please, to history, to solid, believable, verifiable fact!"

And within five minutes, the class had sunk back into its usual torpor.

As they walked out of the class, Harry realized something. " Wait, Binns said that it was a creature, right, and all of the textbooks about the legend agree?" he asked Hermione.

"Yeah…" Hermione agree hesitantly, not seeing where he was going with it.

"So why are we trying to figure out where the monster is hidden, when we could figure out what it is, so we know what we are dealing with when it is found?" Harry voice rose until he was almost shouting by the end of the sentence.

The entire corridor stopped to stare at him.

"To the library!" Hermione exclaimed, and the entire corridor followed. By the time they got down to the library, what seemed like, and probably was, half the school was following them. The rest of the school were presumably still in lessons.

Hermione made it to the creatures section first, and upon seeing the crowd behind her, pulled the first book out, and handed to someone behind her. That process repeated until every single student had a book, and there were only a few books left.

Within an hour, the students had compiled every single animal that had paralyzed someone or something, and had concluded that the monster had to be a basilisk, which then lead to copious amounts of swearing and a hysterical call to the aurors. All was soon well.

 _ **Hey everyone! I was just thinking 'well there are a lot of kids who take COMC, and basilisks are in fantastic beasts, so someone should of figured it out eventually, so they did! If you have ideas, please put them into a review or just PM me- I promise I will get to them eventually! And while on that subject, there should be another chapter sometime tomorrow, with some of of said ideas! Thanks for reading.**_


	22. Dragon keepers are smart (& an extra)

_**Okay, I know I said I would post this yesterday. Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to. So, to make up for it, I've added a short little thing to it. The first one was an idea of Kai's and the second was an idea of a guest's. Thank you for the ideas, and I hope you like them!**_

It was the middle of first year, and Harry and his dorm mates were, once again, searching for Neville's toad. That had happened more times then Harry could remember, and it was getting annoying. It wasn't easy to find Trevor. He wouldn't just hide under a bed or dresser. He would find a way into someone's trunk or dresser, which meant that everyone would have to empty all of their things out, and then put them back. However, they always got put back messier then they were originally, which lead to a very messy dorm. The instincts that the Dursleys had drilled into him were going insane at this point.

"Ha! I found him!" Dean yelled, moving some things in his truck and pulling out the struggling toad.

"Thanks, Dean." Neville said gratefully. "Now, if only he could quit trying to run away, things would be amazing!"

"Why don't you have a cage for him?" Seamus asked, as he watched Trevor struggle to escape Neville's hands.

"I don't know."

"You could have Hedwig's" Harry offered as he carefully watched Trevor- he did not want to have to search for him all over again!

"But won't she need it?" Neville asked.

"It's probably too small for her. She barely fits in, just standing. She can't move her wings or anything. Realistically, for a bird of her size, she would have a cage the size of this room, if not bigger. Besides, she hates the thing."

"Well, then thanks, Harry!" Neville said. He stared at the cage "how do you think we can Trevor-proof this thing?"

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Applause shattered the wintery air like breaking glass; Krum had finished — it would be Harry's turn any moment.

He stood up, noticing dimly that his legs seemed to be made of

marshmallow. He waited. And then he heard the whistle blow. He walked out through the entrance of the tent, the panic rising into a crescendo inside him. And now he was walking past the trees, through a gap in the enclosure fence.

He saw everything in front of him as though it was a very highly colored dream. There were hundreds and hundreds of faces staring down at him from stands that had been magicked there since he'd last stood on this spot. And there was the Horntail, at the other end of the enclosure, crouched low over her clutch of eggs, her wings half-furled, her evil, yellow eyes upon him, a monstrous, scaly, black lizard, thrashing her spiked tail, leaving yard-long gouge marks in the hard ground. The crowd was making a great deal of noise, but whether friendly or not, Harry didn't know or care. It was time to do what he had to do . . . to focus his mind, entirely and absolutely, upon the thing that was his only chance. . . .

He raised his wand."Accio Firebolt!" he shouted. Harry waited, every fiber of him hoping, praying. . . . If it hadn't worked . . . if it wasn't coming. . . He seemed to be looking at everything around him through some sort of shimmering, transparent barrier, like a heat haze, which made the enclosure and the hundreds of faces around him swim strangely. . . .

And then he heard it, speeding through the air behind him; he turned and saw his Firebolt hurtling toward him around the edge of the woods, soaring into the enclosure, and stopping dead in midair beside him, waiting for him to mount. The crowd was making even more noise. . . . Bagman was shouting something . . . but Harry's ears were not working properly anymore . . . listening wasn't important. . . . He swung his leg over the broom and kicked off from the ground.

And a second later, something miraculous happened. . . .

As he soared upward, as the wind rushed through his hair, as the crowd's faces became mere flesh-colored pinpricks below, and the Horntail shrank to the size of a dog, he realized that he had left not only the ground behind, but also his fear... . He was back where he belonged. . . .This was just another Quidditch match, that was all . . . just another Quidditch match, and that Horntail was just another ugly opposing team. . . .He looked down at the clutch of eggs and spotted the gold one, gleaming against its cement-colored fellows, residing safely between the dragon's front legs. "Okay," Harry told himself, "diversionary tactics ... let's go. . . ."

He dived. The Horntail's head followed him; he knew what it was going to do and pulled out of the dive just in time; a jet of fire had been released exactly where he would have been had he not swerved away . . . but Harry didn't care . . . that was no more than dodging a Bludger. . . .

"Great Scott, he can fly!" yelled Bagman as the crowd shrieked and gasped. "Are you watching this, Mr. Krum?"

Harry soared higher in a circle; the Horntail strained against it's chain, but the magically reinforced chain didn't break.

Harry flew all the way to one side of the paddock, and went back and forth until the dragon finally got off it's eggs and went to swat what must've of been, for her, an annoying fly. The second she did, Harry pivoted in mid air and used every bit of speed the Firebolt had to speed towards the eggs, only slowing for a second to grab the golden egg. He then speed towards the gates, to get out of the dragons way as quickly as possible. He was the only contestant uninjured.

 _ **Hey everyone! I hope you liked these, and please review with anything you would like to see in the future!**_


	23. Chapter 23

**This is not one fic, but three separate ones-enjoy!**

 **This starts in the very beginning of third year.**

Harry sighed as he wandered through the library of Hogwarts. He was in the magical creatures section, pulling out every book that he could find that had anything to do with dementors. It was a pitifully small pile. He picked the stack up, and moved to one of the many empty desks in the room. As classes hadn't even started yet, not even Hermione was in the library. Harry was pretty sure that the only other person in here was madam Pince. As he settled into the annoyingly uncomfortable chair, he pulled the first book out of his stack- Newt Scamander's Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Strangely, he could not find a single word on them- were they so little know that Scamander could not find anything to write about them, or did he not include them for some reason?

In his second book he found a little more information- a passage that said " A Dementor is a gliding, wraith-like Dark creature, widely considered to be one of the foulest to inhabit the world. Dementors feed on human happiness and thus generate feelings of depression and despair in any person in close proximity to them. They can also consume a person's soul, leaving their victims in a permanent vegetative state, and thus are often referred to as "soul-sucking fiends", rendering a person an 'empty-shell'.

The history of Dementors in relation to Wizarding society in Britain is inextricably tied up with one location: Azkaban. The island in the North Sea on which the wizard prison is built has never appeared on any map, wizard or Muggle. Perhaps its first resident, or even creator, Ekrizdis, practised the worst kinds of Dark magic and constructed a fortress on the island, luring Muggle sailors there to torture and murder them. After his death, the various concealment charms placed on the island faded, and the Ministry became aware of the mysterious site's existence.

Those who entered the deserted fortress to investigate discovered, among other horrors, an infestation of Dementors. Fearing the reprisal of these dark entities should anyone try to evict them, the Ministry decided to let the sizeable colony remain, unmolested and unchecked. When Damocles Rowle was elected Minister for Magic in 1718, he insisted on utilising Azkaban's dark pedigree, seeing the Dementors as a potential asset: putting them to work as guards would save expense, time, and lives. This plan was eventually put into motion and, despite protests, Azkaban remained the prison of the wizarding world."

As he read through the rest of the books he noted that not much was known about Dementors. The books were filled with contradicting information, horror stories about people who had been kissed, or merely repeated information from the first book.

Harry had one conclusion- Dementors were in no way safe to be around, and SHOULD NOT be anywhere near a school full of defenseless children.

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 **This starts in the fifth book, in chapter 24, on page 523**

They were to return to Hogwarts on the Knight Bus the following day, escorted once again by Tonks and Lupin, both of whom were eating breakfast in the kitchen when Harry, Ron and Hermione came down next morning. The adults seemed to have been mid-way through a whispered conversation as Harry opened the door; all of them looked round hastily and fell silent.

After a hurried breakfast, they all pulled on jackets and scarves against the chilly grey January morning. Harry had an unpleasant constricted sensation in his chest; he did not want to say goodbye to Sirius. He had a bad feeling about this parting; he didn't know when they would next see each other and he felt it was incumbent upon him to say something to Sirius to stop him doing anything stupid-Harry was worried that Snape's accusation of cowardice had stung Sirius so badly he might even now be planning some foolhardy trip beyond Grimmauld Place. Before he could think of what to say, however, Sirius had beckoned him to his side.

'I want you to take this,' he said quietly, thrusting a badly wrapped package roughly the size of a paperback book into Harry's hands.

'What is it?' Harry asked.

'A way of letting me know if Snape's giving you a hard time. No, don't open it in here!' said Sirius, with a wary look at Mrs. Weasley, who was trying to persuade the twins to wear hand-knitted mittens. 'I doubt Molly would approve-but I want you to use it if you need me, all right?'

Harry's first thought was to never use it, to keep Sirius safe. He second thought however, completely countered the first. He had very few presents from people he could consider parental figures. Before he learned he was a wizard, the closest thing he had was the crazy cat lady who was a squib, Mrs. Fig. And that was only because she was the only person in the neighborhood who was semi nice to him. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were nice, but they were Ron's parents, not his. He would open it in his dorm, later that night, when nobody could see him. He wanted to have this to himself for now.

Later that night, with everyone already asleep in their beds, Harry pulled the package out from where he had stashed it in his trunk. He pulled the curtains closed around his bed, and charmed them so that he wouldn't wake up his dorm mates. He then carefully opened the package, finding, to his curiosity, a mirror and a note. The note said:

 _Harry,_

 _Before you start wondering if I've actually gone insane, let me explain. These mirrors are linked, James and I used to use them to talk to each other while in separate detentions. All you have to do is say my name. And don't worry about any interruptions- this method of communication is completely secure, and even if it wasn't, it is so rare that nobody would ever think that we were using it!_

 _Padfoot_

Harry grinned- It was a way that he could talk about his problems and ask for advice from Sirius. He didn't worry about Sirius running off to do something dramatic- the man was an adult who lived through and fought in a war, he could be sensible when he needed to be. And besides, there were other adults that were living at number 12 Grimmauld Place anyway.

"Sirius Black" Harry called, unknowing changing the future, for the better.

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 **Gringotts notice Voldie's soul coming into the building, and object. Fiercely.**

The head teller glared at the person who walked in the door. Mrs. Lestrange strutted in, seemingly not noticing the large amount of people who shoved themselves out of her way. The goblin discreetly slapped a button on his desk. In other parts of the building, alarms started screaming. Within seconds wards were raised, preventing anyone from exiting or entering. However, they were invisible so they would not alert their quarry that the game was up. Bellatrix strutted straight to him. "Take me to my vault." she demanded, glaring at him.

The goblin didn't even blink an eye. "Mrs. Lestrange." he said cooly. "There seems to have been a mix up with our vaults, and there seems to a fair bit of money that wasn't known about until now, that you can claim if you do it now. Would you like to do so? Otherwise, the money gets donated to the Hogwarts Muggleborn Fund." The goblin was an expert at lying, and knew that almost all species, goblins included, would do anything to get just a little bit more money. Telling her that the money would otherwise be donated to her enemies was just a bit more incentive.

"Yes." she spat, her eyes gleaming, the object in her bag all but forgotten. "Well? Hurry up already, you foul useless thing!"

The goblin hopped of his teller, calling "follow me" over his shoulder as he lead into the depths of the building. He did not want to leave this to one of the younger, less experienced employees. They might give it away at the worst time, and Mrs. Lestrange was not exactly known for being kind. Never mind the fact that her vaults and the vaults of anyone remotely associated with her would be taken away the second she killed a goblin, she would do it an instant, without thinking of the consequences. And the goblins did not want the item in her purse damaged in any way.

The goblin resisted the urge to sigh. Everyone knew Bellatrix was a death eater, so they were lucky that no random person on the streets got enough courage to hex her. Then again, this was magical Britain, were most people resembled sheep at the first sight of danger. Out of the corner of his eyes he noticed Mrs. Lestrange starting to get twitchy. She had never been in this part of the bank before- humans almost never had, except for situations like this.

The goblin opened a door and escorted her in "I need to go get the people in charge of this." he snapped, and walked back out the door. The second the door closed, he hit a button on the wall, releasing a magical sedative into the air.

Once the sedative was in the room, all of the doors up and down the hallway opened with goblins stepping out from behind them, except for the door that Bellatrix was behind and the door beside it. The head teller walked to the unopened door and opened it. The door revealed a group of goblins staring into the room next to it through mirrored glass not unlike the type that Muggle law enforcement used. However, the goblins had improved it as the person inside the room they were watching had no idea that there was anything but wall there. Additionally, the "mirror" effect covered the entire wall. He watched as a team of goblins all covered in armor and various weapons stormed into the room, with their heads covered with the bubble-head charm, to keep the remnants of the sedative from affecting them. Within minutes, Bellatrix was on the ground, in handcuffs, her wand and a large poisoned knife taken away, and her entire handbag was in an iron box with a silk lining, the best way that the goblins had found to contain objects of extreme evil.

"Good job, Sliobbex" the goblin with the most gold on his armour said. The head teller, knowing this was a dismissal, inclined his head and walked out the door.

The goblin with the most gold on his armour turned back towards the woman chained to the floor, the table and chairs now removed, leaving her in a completely empty room. Then, a particular goblin walked in the room. Unlike the majority of goblins, this one did not wear armor, but instead wore a green uniform. That uniform signified that the goblin was a healer. The gold accents on the uniform told the other goblins that he was a very high ranking one. The goblin leaned down and forced a potion down her throat. He then took a step back and waited for the woman to open her eyes. The second that she did, he forced his way into her brain. It only took him a minute to discover everything that the goblins needed. He pivoted on his heel to face the window

"She knows exactly what she brought into this bank. She did it on her masters orders. Other members of their group of evil villainy have other pieces." The healer said, repulsed. As a healer he could not fathom doing the things that one would need to do to create on peice, much less 6. He glared at the woman on the ground, before leaving the room, slamming the door behind him, then slapping the sedative button the moment it was completely closed.

The goblin with the most gold on his armor smiled fearily. "We finally have a reason to enact the plan." he smirked. "Brodnuff, confiscate all Death Eater accounts. Grukrak, put all sympathisers accounts on a watch list, and create a long list of reasons keep them from accessing their money. If they become Death Eaters, then hand it over to Brodnuff. Rodgrat, work on a spell that will find all of the other pieces before they enter this bank."

"Yes, sir." The other goblins snapped as they rushed to do their appointed tasks. The King of the goblins just laughed as he stared down at the Death Eater.

"Mr. Riddle is going to have no idea what hit him" he cackled.

 _ **Hey everyone! Sorry that it's been such a long time since I last posted- real life has infringed on my writing time! To make up for it, I wrote this really long post (well, for the standards of this fic, anyway.) I was planning on posting the goblin one separately, in about a week, but I decided to be nice to all of you who have been patiently waiting, and posted it now. I hope you liked it, and please remember that most of my best fics for this have come from people who tell me what they want to read! Thank you for reading!**_


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